classic: steve recaps brickyard 2006

sk: I intend over the next week or so to post some classic Steve recaps / rants, to build anticipation for the NFL season. That, and to build readership of the new site. This is my, uuh, "recollection" of the craziness that was Brickyard 2006. Seems to fit, given that the Brickyard is tomorrow. Enjoy the first "classic" recap.

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Wow, even by my rambling standards, this is long. Sorry in advance. Absoulely awesome weekend though. Fun, alcohol fueled times had by all.

Friday night the fun began. We got in about 10 eastern time, and didn't stop until about 3:30. Saturday was spent watching qualifying, practice, and touring the Indy museum, which as I always point out, is the only museum in the world you don't have to bribe me to get me into. They had a pretty neat little 20 exhibit in there, with his 2002 Winston Cup, 1997 IndyCar, 1995 USAC (all title winning cars), and then his Chili Bowl cars in there. Plus, Kurt Busch hit the wall in practice! That was freaking awesome. Always nice to see bad things happen to drivers I don't care for.

Saturday night was, uuh, a little crazy. Started off playing drunken washers, and it just went downhill from there. By 1am some fat chick and her equally hefty friend kept trying to send the kids home so they could "get naked in the hot tub". Thankfully, we convinced them to keep the clothes on. Or, at least, keep them on until I left. If there's one thing a drunk Steve doesn't need to see, its 50 year old chicks pushing 250 lbs taking it all off. I might do something I'll regret. Or at least never live down.

And it was a little, uuh, intoxicating. I left for Dave's with about 2 1/2 bottles of the 1ml of Captain. When I opened the cooler Sunday morning to get started ... 1/4 of a bottle remained. And I know I was the only one drinking it. No wonder I've got the shakes this morning.

Then came raceday. Man, I love Indy! You couldn't have asked for a more perfect day. There wasn't a cloud in the sky, it was in the low 90s, and pretty humid, but with enough of a breeze that you didn't sweat too bad. Perfect Steve weather. Anytime you don't even have to think about putting a t-shirt on, its a good day. After (literally) rolling out of bed and hitting the floor about 9:30, the fun began. Nothing like homemade biscuits and gravy with Bud Light to start the morning off right. I love racedays.

The people next door to Peggy's hung a Tony Stewart full sized poster deal in effagy, just hysterical. They also encouraged people parking there to "let Tony know what you think of him". The 20 didn't look too good by the end of the day. It looked like some people were taking a whiz on him. Poor 20.

About 11ish, some lady pulls up, looking to park ... so Peggy's son goes out to park her, and she's just staring past him. No clue where she's at. Finally, we get through to her and somehow get her into the yard without hitting another car. She was already smashed. (And yes, I know. Pot, meet kettle. Steve, meet drunk lady.)

She hops out, she's got a 12, 13 year old kid in the backseat ... and in her hand is a very potent vodka tonic. I could smell the vodka from 20 feet away. Not that I was drooling. She stumbles over to the chairs where we're sitting, and nearly misses a seat. After about 30 minutes of just sitting there, drinking and puffing on the Virginia Slims, she finally stumbles off to the Speedway with the kid and her husband. I love trashy people.

See, this is why races rule, because no matter how out of shape you are, or how much you drink, there's at least 20,000 people there who have a bigger beer gut than you, and are far more wasted than you. Races make you feel good about yourself.

Anyways, apparently Peggy and all them know this drunk chick somehow, I guess she stayed there a couple years ago and it got ugly. Something about her 15 year old daughter, an 18 year old guy, and the floor. A cat was involved too somehow, not sure how though.

The seats at the race were just incredible. Turn two (southeast vista), last section next to the suites, about 10 rows from the top. Best view I've ever had there. You could see everything in one, through the short chute, through two, down the backstretch and into three, and then you could see all of four as well. Plus with the video board right across from you, you didn't miss anything. It was a 35 minute hike from Peggy's house to our seats. She lives two blocks from the Speedway. Yet another reason to love Indy: you work the booze off.

Jimmie Johnson was booed pretty good, as were the Busch boys. But the stunner was the very loud booing of Tony Stewart. Last year, you had people sticking around for 4 hours afterwards to celebrate his win. (Like me, for instance). He's the hometown kid. This year, he got the second loudest negative response, behind only Kyle Busch. Shocking turnaround of events in twelve months.

But it wasn't the biggest shocker of the day, not even close. The pictures will prove it: I spotted a Joe Nemechek t-shirt on an actual living, breathing person. And he was wearing a Nemechek hat too! I damned near spat out my beer when I saw the guy take his seat a couple rows in front of me. Who knew, Nemechek actually has fans that aren't related to him. At least, I'm assuming this guy isn't related to him, he wasn't fat and goofy looking.

For people who say NASCAR has no diversity ... some chick from Destiny's Child did the anthem. So at least one minority was there yesterday! Plus they had a lovely "African Americans History in the 500" display at the Museum. There have been 2 black drivers in the race. In 90 years of running it. See, diversity!

Mari Hulman George looked bad. I mean, she's old as dirt anyways, but she looked like she aged another 5 years since May. She was visibly struggling with the command. Then again, I was "visibly struggling" to stand upright, so maybe it was just me.

The highlight of the race had to be lap 7, the one and only lap Kasey led! Well, not really, there were plenty of highlights, but hey, at least he led a lap!

Gordon's sway bar deal ... man, talk about bad luck. I was glad he managed to get back on the lead lap.

Which reminds me: the NBC guys have got to be the absolute most sh*ttiest trio of commentators ever. Wally called Jeff Burton "Ward" at least 5 times by my count. Wally, Ward hasn't run in two years. Come on. And Weber couldn't figure out why Gordon didn't line up to the outside of the leader on a couple restarts. Bill ... when you get the lucky dog, you go to the back of the longest line! If my drunk a** can figure this stuff out, what the hell is wrong with the trained professionals who are, you know, paid to know this stuff?

The absolute worst though was Weber down the stretch. He actually said Jimmie Johnson was "3 miles" from victory with 2 to go. (steve screaming at the scanner voice) Indy is a 2 1/2 mile track! There's two laps left! That's 5 miles! If he'd done it once, I'd be ok with it, but he did it again with one to go, saying "1 1/2 miles to the checkered!" Really, just utter incompetence. My drunken podcast idea cannot be worse than NBC / TNT's NASCAR guys. It just can't. It's not possible. I could be passed out, snoring, and drooling, and I'd still know more in that state of mind than Bill Weber and Wally Dallenbach put together.

The last 13, 14 laps of that race were just incredible. At Kansas, Earnhardt or Busch wins the race. You give them a 20 car length lead with 12 to go, there isn't enough time to catch up. At Indy, with no banking, an extra mile on each lap, Johnson and the rest of the pack caught them in 5 laps. Just amazing.

Funniest line of the day, with about 4 to go: (mark martin) if they throw a f*cking caution, I'm hunting (Mike) Helton down. There ain't any sh*t (debris) out here".

Second funniest line of the day, courtesy of Peggy, with about 6 to go: "Who do you (meaning me) cheer for? Do you even cheer for someone?", when the top 3 were Kyle Busch, Dale Earnhardt Jr, and Jimmie Johnson. That's like a Super Bowl pitting the broncos against the Raiders, you just root for the terrorists to strike.

Johnson had the best car, without question. I really don't get it, how he manages to blow a tire, barely roll back to the pits, then catches his freaking pit stall on fire ... yet he never goes a lap down, and emerges with a far better car than he came in with. I swear, Chad Knaus is the greatest crew chief ever not named Ray Evernham. Greatest cheater too, but good God, every week that guy finds a new way to take a bottom 10 car and post a 6th place finish. Smart move to resign him through 2010; if I was Toyota, I would have thrown every penny in the bank at him for Vickers next year.

I haven't seen Kasey's wreck, so I can't comment on it. I read that he said he got loose, so its not like I can blame anyone, except NASCAR for not throwing a caution when Riggs and Gordon and Biffle wrecked in turn one half a lap before Kasey did in 3/4. But hey, he's got some kind of new vitamin water deal that he is the spokesdude for now, that's neat! I have to start buying that stuff. Great billboard of it too near the Speedway.

Post race: so we stumble back to Peggy's. We're sitting around, finishing off some Bud Light, waiting for the traffic to die out to head home. Across the street, its pretty much party central, they've got the washers going, boombox blaring, alcohol flowing, good times had by all. Then, it happens. This chick over there, not shabby looking, starts yelling at a car that's stuck in traffic in the street. This chick is wearing a pink top and soccer shorts. I had no complaints. Anyways, you start hearing "b*tch" and "f*cker" being yelled at the top of her lungs. Then she hops up in a pickup truck bed, starts shaking her a** for the neighborhood to see ... and the chick she's yelling at hops out of her car, rushes over, and they start screaming at each other.

Tons of obsenities are flying. By now, we're all out of our seats, walking towards them, ready with anticipation. Sadly, the situation calms down when traffic moves a little, so chick #2 (who was in a nice white bikini top and very tight, short Dale Earnhardt Jr shorts, very nice) hops back in her car and begins to drive off. Chick #1 drops the "f*cking wh*re" blast though as chick #2 is leaving ... and its on like Donkey Kong. Chick #2 slams on the breaks, comes hauling out, and bam! Its a brawl! They throw down for a solid 30 seconds before the guys over there can break it up. Still, just awesome stuff. Its not every day you're sitting in the driveway, enjoying a cold one, just about ready to pass out ... and a chick-on-chick fight breaks out across the street.

Just an awesome, awesome weekend. I'm sunburnt from the waist up, I'm tired, I'm probably still above the legal intoxication limit in 50 states and the District ... but man, I love that place. The last Sunday in May can't get here soon enough. Especially since the 500 will be unified this year!!! Finally!!! After 12 long years, ChampCar comes back to Indy!!! Assuming there's anyone left in ChampCar who doesn't bolt for NASCAR to make the unified race worth it ...