"classic" roadie: chiefs! bengals! 2003!

As best I remember it. I'm sure I'm missing stuff ... but there's just too much that was golden on this trip to not attempt to remember ...

* Road Trip participants: me and Gregg. Any road trip that is some combination of me, Gregg, Brent, and/or Jasson, is "old school" to the core.

* Left KC at some point on Friday, and stayed at (I believe) the Marriott at Lambert Airport in beautiful St Louis. I know we hit the Marriott and the Hilton, I believe the Hilton was the drive back and Marriott was on the way there. Either way, when you have to freaking pay to park at a hotel, and said hotel is NOT in the Tri-State or the Bay Area, that's ridiculous.

* I know we went to Dave and Buster's for dinner that Friday night. I also remember stopping at the gas station for a 12 pack before heading back to the hotel room. Said 12 pack didn't last the night.

* Saturday, we stopped off at my favorite place on earth, the Indianapolis Motor Speedway, where I completed my first (and to date, only) lap around the track. In a tragic development, you could still see the awful black stripe where Paul Dana had lost the car (and his life) earlier that week.

* Saturday around 5ish, we finally roll into the 'Nati. OK, technically, the 'Newport, since we stayed in Newport, Kentucky, at the Radisson.

* And allow me to go off on said Radisson. First of all, our room was f*cking freezing. I remember that. There was no heat to be had anywhere. Secondly, because the thing was built like the Leaning Tower of Pisa, there was only one bed in the room, and it could barely fit one person, let alone the "two" the room advertised it could hold. Anyways, Gregg won it. (I forget if we flipped a coin, or did rock / paper / scissors). So I was on the floor. Which normally, I'm fine with. As my close friends can attest: I can sleep anywhere, on anything, if I'm tired or drunk enough. I slept on a friggin tree root that destroyed my air mattress on Float Trip 08 ... and never gave it a moment's thought.

I also had that wonderful night at the 2006 "Gregg and Steve's Blow Up the Backyard Beer BBQ Bonanza", when I tried to go to sleep ... passed out on the floor ... and when the alarm went off the next morning to get up for the IndyCar race, I realized I not only was on the floor, the dogs were sleeping next to me just like I was up in the bed. (homer simpson voice) Here's to alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems ...

But this floor ... was ridiculous. Bad enough its 30 degrees outside AND inside the room. To add the concrete floor ... not a good night. Sadly, a sign of things to come.

* Saturday, the traditional "pregame" meal was at Mitchell's Seafood joint there in Newport. Incredible. Just incredible. Not quite Willie G's in Houston good, but pretty close. After a few libations at some sports bar there on the Riverfront, off to the concrete floor!

* Woke up early Sunday, headed down to get a paper, and recall encountering a Bengals fan and his wife in the lobby. Friendly folks, they drove in a few hours for every home game, only they stayed at a hotel instead of with friends and family. That earns my respect. You drive x amount of hours every game to see your team play, you're on my "champ" list, pal.

* The tailgating scene in Cincinnati is awful. Just wretched. Half the folks park in a parking garage and just head inside. The other half wouldn't know a quality tailgate if it bit them in the ass.

* Paul Brown Stadium itself is very nice. I hope the concourses at Arrowhead are as wide as they are at The Paul when the remodel is done. My only complaint about the stadium is the bathroom in the east end zone where we sat. One entrance in, one entrance out. (peter griffin voice) cracked magazine. Even Arrowhead offers multiple doors for every bathroom. Absolutely ridiculous.

* we sat in the east end zone, maybe 11th, 12 row. Solid seat purchase.

* they had fireworks go off during the National Anthem, which is fine ... only the weather conditions that day (40ish, very humid, light rain) meant the smoke went nowhere. The kickoff was actually delayed because of the fog like conditions the fireworks created.

* "the moment". The Bengals have just stretched the lead to 24-13 on a Peter Warrick bomb touchdown catch. I've just about had all I can stand from arrogant Bengals fan. Up to this point, I was my usual charming, amusing self. I had stood there and taken the taunts, the cheap shots. You have to expect that when you're a visiting fan. But if you give it out, you'd better be ready to take it back. So when drunk Bengals fan (and he was five sheets to the wind), when he drops the "its over b*tch! Its over! Your team f*cking sucks!" blast, I calmly pull the guy down to engage in a private conversation.

I go "you know, there's still 7 minutes left buddy. We were down 17 at this point a month ago to Green Bay, and won. So shut your mother f*cking mouth". Apparently he took offense to the word "mouth", because that's what he attempted to hit. He took a swing at me, and connected on the side of my left eye, knocking my glasses off. I was enraged. Everyone else was stunned. I swiftly headed up to find security.

Only ... there was no "security" to be found. After a couple minutes I finally find a guy, explain what happened ... and he just looked at me and said "well, you're a Chiefs fan, what do you expect?" Are you f*cking kidding me? Look it, I am all for taunting, razzing, even the occasional profane blast at the other team's fans. I engage in it every Sunday at Arrowhead, because the two seats next to me that do get used are almost always filled with visiting team's fans. But I never escalate it to violence, and will immediately seek security to protect them if anyone does escalate it that far.

Finally I find a guy who gets it, and he comes back with me. Drunk Bengals fan refuses to leave. After a brief scene, he's escorted out. Even his buddies confirmed my version of the events, they at least had a conscience.

The final encounter I had with the guy, security asks if I want to press charges. I declined. Sure, he assaulted me ... but we've all done dumb things while drinking and watching a game involving a team we love. One stupid screw up shouldn't cost you $500 plus and an additional night in jail.

* that was the first time I was ever assaulted at a roadie. Didn't even make it a month until Vikings fans decided to defile my Santa hat like "New Brian" defiled Rupert ... and played my head like a bongo drum. Stay classy NFL fans. Stay classy.

* Chiefs lost 24-19. On the walk out, Bengals fans celebrating everywhere. The taunting began almost immediately. Fine. You won a game. Enjoy it. But when a few of them started chanting "bandwagon" ... are you kidding me? I've seen Gregg angry before. Usually because of something I did ... or didn't pay him for. But this, this was rage. You don't call us "bandwagon" when it comes to the Chiefs, pal. Anyone who knows who "The Golden Toe" is, ain't bandwagon.

* the drive from Cincinnati to St. Louis for the night started out ok. Got to see Kentucky Speedway, literally in the middle of nowhere, about halfway between Louisville and Cincinnati. Drove by Churchill Downs (I'd love to be in the infield for the Derby at least once before I hit 40, would be too old to be there, so I'd have to sit with the stuck ups in the stands ...), and headed across the Ohio River to freedom! Oh wait, I'm flashing back to that Underground Railroad Museum. I'm white, I could have crossed the Ohio with no problems.

* Once we crossed though ... (steve sighing with frustration). The drive home last January from Milwaukee, in a blinding fog, was bad. This was horrible. At least that Milwaukee drive, I could see 50 feet in front of me. This fog was so bad, I was scared to go faster than 30mph, the sightlines were that bad. And this is coming from someone who gets irate when getting stuck behind someone not going at least 75mph in the left lane. I drive like a Texan and make no apologies for it. But even I took it overly cautious.

* Got to St. Louis, and pretty much immediately crashed. Probably the last time I went to bed without downing an adult beverage or four. (I kid, I kid. I know I had a few trips to Canton after this roadie ...) I not only got a bed ... there was a friggin heater in the room. Novel idea, heating a room you're paying $100 / night for. Novel idea.

* trip home to KC the next day was relatively uneventful.

* the big joke on the drive home was "can we get Phogger out the door before she whizzes from excitement at seeing us". My guess was no. Thankfully I lost. I miss that dog sometimes. You have to love a dog whose favorite thing in life was to flop on her back, stick her paws up, and just let you rub her belly ... and then got angry when you'd quit after 10 minutes because your arm and hand were worn out. Like I said, I miss that dog.

* and that's about it. I'm sure I missed a few things that I originally commented on, but since I no longer work at "company with a pyramid type building as its logo", I don't know what all the original email said. The next "classic" roadie to recap should be the Dallas trip in 2005, that one ... easily my favorite roadie ever.